It’s been nine months and things have normalized. They’re totally not normal, but normalizing. A change in my work schedule has cause some pain points, but they’ve been mostly addressed, I like to think. It’s not been easy, mostly because I had (and still have) an incredibly busy life out of work, but things are ramping down on a few things.

Life with Andrea is cruising along. We had a good rhythm going until my hours changed, and suddenly Andrea couldn’t be out for Tue-Thu. Her job is being the house keeper, but even she gets to have the weekends off, where the majority of her hours are. But with only a few hours out on Monday and Friday, chores slipped, and the house got worse and worse and she couldn’t keep up. Things quickly get away from us if we don’t stay on them. We found a way to balance out the Tue-Thurs schedule so that she will have some time out every day. We’ll find out next week if our new schedule works for everyone including the house.

I’ve gotten used to having an invisible roommate, although sometimes I can still feel a bit weirded out by the clues that she’s been out. The other day, I walked into the living room and there was an open box with an empty webcam box in it. Sure enough, I checked on the bird feeder out on the patio and there was a new camera there. I didn’t mind, Andrea has a $100 a paycheck allowance, and she bought a nice camera to replace the free one she was using. But the STORY, that someone had bought a camera, had it delivered, opened it and installed it, all in my house, while I was “asleep” raised a feeling of uneasiness. But she did nothing wrong. Just living her life and indulging her hobbies. It’s just…it’s all happening while I’m dead to the world.

Something like that happened to me yesterday, specifically. Saturday morning, I woke up, checked my messages and then, still in bed, gave her the day. I kind of just…fell asleep while she went on with her day. The next thing I remember, was coming to sitting in my car, next to a roadside park, and not sure where I was. I had a sudden fear because one of my first disassociative moment was walking out of a job I’d just been laid off of, and waking up about 24 hours later, 300 miles from home, not knowing where I was. But thankfully, Andrea leaves me notes. She let me out because we’d driven to a very far off town, and she wanted me to have some time there before heading back, since it would have been a long trip for me later, which was incredibly considerate, if a little panic inducing. 🙂

There are times I wonder what’s happened to me with her. Have I always been dissociative? There are certainly clues going back many years. Is this someone trying to takeover? A spiritual possession? A friend once asked me “why are you giving her autonomy?” Whatever Andrea is, she’s kind, considerate, enjoys reading and birds. She’s not the problem. She’s a product of the problem, but not the problem. Whatever brought her here, she deserves her time in the light.

And her crow hobby? I actually love that. Even if they eat better than we do some days. 🙂

–Ragdoll