Hello, Taylor

It’s late on Sunday, and I should be getting ready for bed. But I haven’t written in a while, and I thought I should take some time to write.

I didn’t have much time out today because Ragdoll had a lot of hours out today I’m eating some messy, but tasty snacks Ragdoll got. Something called Daal Moth. It’s tasty and spicy and dense. Good, but makes it hard to type.

I was kind of angry at Ragdoll these last few days. She got invited to a big party on Friday, and Fridays are my day out. And I was going to do the grocery shopping, too, which is something I like doing to feel like part of the crowd, but since she had the Friday party, she moved it to Thursday and she did it. So I lost out on a day and my shopping. I felt really miffed about it.

Friday morning, I was still feeling upset, but I went ahead and worked on her budget. It was super tight this week because of money issues that came up, and I did a lot of borrowing from one account to pay another which isn’t good, but got the payments that needed to be made made. In the end, we have $30 until payday, which isn’t good. She had ANOTHER appointment on Friday for lunch IN MY TOWN which I was also upset about. She’s not allowed in my town, but this was important and I left her to go to it.

She let me drive there, and on my way, I decided to get a coffee. We didn’t have a lot of spending money, but I could wiggle a coffee out of all this for my trouble. I opened up the wallet and there was $100 in cash in there for me. She knew we were tight on money, but still gave me my allowance. I used it to get my coffee, feeling kind of bad that I was upset with her. She gave me money when she didn’t have a lot herself.

Saturday morning I wasn’t feeling too well. I was very lonely, and I felt bad for being upset at Ragdoll when she was looking out for me. The crows are busy being parents, so they don’t visit me for breakfast anymore. They do come by and eat what I put out on the new bird feeder, but usually in the middle of the day, and when the fledglings are playing in my yard. I started feeding them to give myself some kind of purpose, and having them start warming up to me helped with the loneliness I feel all the time. But with them gone taking care of Junior, it feels even lonelier. It’s one of the reasons I left The Other Place. There were people everywhere, no one would talk to me, and I felt even lonelier.

I was really down but wanted to do something with my time out. I didn’t know if I wanted to go out on a hike, or go into town, or stay home and clean. I was really leaning on staying home because I felt lonely and sad. And I kept going back and forth about it. Do I want to stay home? Do I want to go. And after a few hours, I realized that I could have spent my whole time out for Saturday just going back and forth. So I decided to make a decision and go into town.

I have my own clothes now! Ragdoll’s allowance from a few week ago allowed me to buy some of my own clothes for the first time. She’s usually in t-shirts and shorts all the time, and I wear what she has on because I don’t have anything of my own. I found some shirts and blouses she had I liked. And a skirt she took back saying “THAT’S MINE!” She did say I could borrow it, though. She gets catalogs in the mail for clothes and told me to pick out something that was $100 and then she’d make sure it fit and order it. It was actually $150, but she didn’t seem to mind and now I have an outfit of my very own!

So I put on my outfit and went into town. I just had lunch, then some iced coffee and a croissant on the lake while I read. I’d never heard of iced coffee before, so I tried, and the barista and I talked about it for a while as she was making it. The connection of just talking to people, even if it’s small talk does so so so much to lift that loneliness. I’d like to make really close friends, but, like Didi says, “We’re all secrets.”

I did have to buy some groceries after all, and since I was in my town, I got them myself, and even put gas in the car with my allowance. She made a sacrifice so I could have money, I would make one to make her life a little easier.

My loneliness feels a touch better. I know yours isn’t. And that you’re worried what you have will go away. You’re my best friend, Taylor. You’ll always have me. 🙂

I hope you can make those connections with people, even if it’s for a few seconds at a time at your job.

–Andrea