Good Morning, Taylor,

It’s a been a while since my last letter. But there’s a reason. I’ve been hiding.

A few weeks ago, Ragdoll missed an important meeting she had to go to, and the person she was supposed to meet with got upset with her afterwards. But she missed the meeting because she is stressed about me still. While we get along better now and are settling into things, she still forgets. And this time someone was mad because of me. But worse, she decided to leave that place so she could focus on me and her other work.

She lost something she wanted because of me.

And I felt so bad about that. She told me it wasn’t my fault, but I know it is. I might not have caused it, but it’s because I’m out that she forgot. I decided to stay hidden for a while. I didn’t feel right coming out. I just came out to take care of the crows, and then went back inside. She got really worried. I told her I wasn’t going away. But I was worried I might cause more problems. So I hid for a while.

A few days ago, while walking Ragdoll to work, I came across Mean Uncle Crow, who was with three others. They weren’t really happy with me either, and even started to dive bomb me! I guess they were protecting chicks, but I wasn’t too happy already, and this made me feel even worse, because the crows were angry at me now too. I walked a little bit farther and when I got close to where Ragdoll goes to work, we switched. Ragdoll and The Artist started talking about brain stuff. Ragdoll knew The Artist knew something was going on with her, and she slowly brought me up. After some talking we decided I was going to meet her. So I decided to un-hide.

Because I was hiding, the house was in bad shape. If I wanted to make a good impression, I needed to clean house. So I did a lot of house cleaning. Like a LOT. And when the meeting didn’t happen on Saturday, I decided to go out for a hike. I had been hiding to a while and I wanted to see flowers again.

I went to a park a little away from here and made a mistake again. I went off trail. It was really nice going off trail, because it followed the river, and I got to see and hear it. But as I walked and walked and walked the trail got smaller and smaller. It got so overgrown, I couldn’t go forward without scratching myself so I gave up and walked back to the main trail. At least I didn’t hurt myself this time.

I walked the trail for a while, and I saw little red salmon berries growing on the side of the trail to snack on. Some were bitter but a lot were really good. I also saw these other berries and The Oracle warned me to be careful about eating wild berries. Some might be poisonous and others might be fermented. I checked them on Google and learned they were osoberries and they were edible if they were purple. Even the orange ones were edible but bitter. The osoberries were really good, but after a few the bitter taste was getting strong, so I stopped. Finding food just growing on a path is neat.

On the way back to the car, another set of crows started trying to scare me away. It made me feel bad, because I’m a friend to the crows. But I guess these crows don’t know that. I just moved along, and when another person walked by, they went off again. I guess it wasn’t personal. After some lunch I went home and gave Ragdoll the rest of her day.

This morning we were going to meet The Artist. I was really nervous and so was Ragdoll. If this went bad it could do really bad for both of us. But it didn’t. She brought me out and I got to talk to someone really close face-to-face for a while. I don’t talk to a lot of people. I’ve talked to maybe two? Three? But this was someone who was here to meet me, and I was there to meet her, and it went so so so so well. And I got to me the puppy, too. I’d snuck out a few times and saw her while Ragdoll was visiting them. But it was nice to actually spend time with them both, out in the open, and to connect. Connection means so much to me. I felt so special after that, and The Artist was so welcoming and sweet.

The evening has been mostly typing this up. Something strange just happened. I went out to the deck and saw a peanut shell left where I usually leave peanuts for them. I didn’t leave them any peanuts, so one of the crows put it there. Are they asking for more food? I wonder. I finally found a way to put up a camera where I can see the crows on my deck. Just now I saw one soaking a peanut in water. A little later one came for a drink. I need to find a better way to put up a camera so I can see them all the time.

I’m not hiding anymore. I’m still a secret from most people. But I’m making friends.

–Andrea