Good morning, Taylor.

There’s a lot on my mind today.

Yesterday was a strange Tuesday day off for Ragdoll, so she said we could treat it like any regular weekend. She didn’t even get out of bed. Once she woke up, she handed off to me and went into her Ragdoll. I got out of bed, and the day was mine to do whatever.

I got out of bed and took a shower, then dressed myself. But as usual I look like Ragdoll because all we have are Ragdoll’s clothes. I should look into stuff to wear I like. She wears a lot of black and red, and sometimes some tropical colors. I like lighter colors and white. She has some white things, but not a lot. I’m also not sure if I even should dress up like me. I don’t look like I do inside and I don’t want to make trouble for Ragdoll.

I have permission to use the car now! She just wants me to stay off the freeway until we can practice later at night when it’s quiet. I drove all the way to town to turn in my book, and to pick up the one the lady from the other day suggested I read. I did have some lunch first at the Korean fried chicken place, and you’re right. Fried chicken is really good with sauces.

I went to the library, and turned in my book and picked up “The Little Prince” I’d put on hold. I didn’t expect it to be so short. So I picked up another book as well. It’s one of those Japanese comics Ragdoll likes, so I thought I’d try it.

From there, I went to the lake to read my book.

When I first came here, you suggested I learn to read books in a quiet little place in the house. I made up a reading nook for myself, that even Ragdoll uses now to curl up and nap. The first book that Ragdoll suggested I read was Alice in Wonderland, and then Alice Through the Looking Glass. I can see why she wanted me to read it. It’s all about a girl from a well ordered world dealing with nonsense, and that very much feels like what I have here.

The Little Prince, though. I didn’t expect to finish it, but it’s such a short book. But the lady was right, it’s a powerful book. It’s also about the nonsense of people, but through the eyes of a curious child. Some of the questions he asks are silly, at least for adults. And sometimes I feel I’m the same way. I’m not a child, but I don’t know why things are done a certain way here, and have to ask. Like when I saw people fishing at the lake, and I had to ask if there were any fish in it. The ending of the book feels sad, though. The Prince tries to convince the writer it’s not, but it really comes across as sad.

It made me feel more confident in my general confusion at everything.

I made the mistake of parking downtown, so I only had two hours of parking time. I wasn’t finished with The Little Prince, and the day was too nice to end. I still had a few hours left in my day before I handed back to Ragdoll, so I took a chance, and went to another beach park.

There were so many people there, a lot jumping in and swimming! It was more a beach than a park like where I was before. I found a spot to sit and finished my book. Then took a walk along pier. I love the water. Of all the things I love in this new world its the water. Flowing, calm, choppy. It can be so many things.

It was getting to be time to go home, so I began driving. I found a fruit seller on the side of the road, and decided I wanted some, because there were fruit I never had before. I walked up to him and asked what he was selling, and he told me he didn’t speak English, only Spanish.

And I was able to talk to him in Spanish! I knew I could read it, but I can speak it! I guess if Ragdoll knows it, I do. I didn’t have to learn English after all. I picked up some watermelon, pineapple, cantaloupe and cucumbers. The cucumbers were bland compared to everything else, but everything else was so good. I really like cantaloupe.

I spent my last hour in my nook, just relaxing and thinking.

I have a life now. It’s short, but it’s mine. I make my own lunches, and I might make my own breakfasts again now that it’s brighter in the mornings. I dress myself (even if I dress like Ragdoll). I can take myself places. I enjoy my own hobbies. I have a life here. It’s bewildering sometimes, and I still feel alone in a crowd, but I have it.

What to do with it.

Archery is still on my mind. I’d love to learn it here, since I could do it in the Backwoods. The money from the new job should be able to cover it. It’s finding the time that will be the problem.

And time is a lot of trouble. I watch when Ragdoll is out. And she is struggling to make ends meet. And I can hear her grumbling about me sometimes. She tells me I’m not a problem, and I don’t want to be a problem, but she is really unhappy about the time I take away from her. She is also all work now. With me out, and her new job, and her responsibilities, she has no time to relax. And it’s bothering her a lot.

But even with all that, she gives me that time. I should try better to make things easier around the house. So she doesn’t have to deal with that and concentrate on her work and find time to relax.

AH! AN ALARM JUST WENT OFF ACROSS THE STREET. Scared me! Lots of kids pouring out of the school and we know how the Ragdoll gets around kids. They seem to be meeting away from the patio, so I think we’re okay to stay outside. But the alarm is annoying.

I hope this next week that we have off we can reset our schedules and find ways for both of us to be happy. I know she wants me happy. But as usual, she does things for others while not helping herself. I can’t change that. I can only make it easier for both of us.

–Andrea