Happy Lunch, Taylor.

The mornings are still too dark for breakfast, so I’m writing these at lunch I made myself! It’s really good, too. Spinach and cheese tortilla melts.

It’s been a very busy weekend, and interrupted a few times. Saturday morning is supposed to be my time, but The Artist came over to talk for a while and ate into my time. Sunday night is supposed to be my time, too, but they invited her to dinner. So I didn’t get a lot of time this weekend, just like I didn’t get a lot of time last week. Ragdoll is always so busy.

I made the most of the weekend, though. I wanted to go into town, but the weather was so ugly I decided to stay in and keep working on the house. I slacked off all last week because I didn’t have a lot of time out. It looks like she has a lot going on this week, too, but at least kept my days open. The house is coming along and really just needs to have her toys put up and the boxes put away. I wanted to use her memory to figure out where everything goes, but decided not to. Instead, I looked up pictures online and put things back that way.

I like doing things for her like this. While I like seeing her surprised at what’s been done, and she always thanks me for it, I really do it for myself. I’m doing things. I’m making changes. I’m real.

I’m feeling really lonely lately, and more and more I’m figuring out that this is going to be a very lonely life. Today, when I switched, and Ragdoll ragdolled, I held her for a second a hugged her before I put her down. She’s probably going to be my only meat friend for a long time. I will keep putting myself out there, like you said. But if no one is looking, can they ever find you? Especially if you’re not out all the time.

It’s still cold out, but not gray. It’s a nice day out. I can’t wait for it to get warmer. Maybe I’ll eat all my food out here on the deck. I can see all the way to the barn on the other side of the valley. And little bitty cars driving by it. The world moves on with or without you. The wind is starting to pick up and it’s making me very cold, so I think will end this letter early.

Ragdoll told me about you getting next rank in school. I’m so glad to hear it. Little by little, you’ll get where you want to go.

–Andrea