Good Morning, Taylor,

It’s been a rough couple of days. A few days ago I had a problem. You know what happened, and how it affected me, because you were there. I won’t go into it because I still don’t like to think about it.

I spent the next day with The Oracle and her group, just resting as they took care of me. They told me they used to do this a lot with Ragdoll before she was kicked out, But now that I’m having the same thing, they’re wondering if kicking her out was the wrong thing and they might need to take care of her more instead of less.

She told me that there are problems with people they can’t help. And I know that. But I never expected to be one of those people. But since we share a body and a mind, I guess I have whatever she has. I don’t like it. And it bothers me a lot.

This morning, she asked me if I wanted to come out, and I did. But once the time came, I really didn’t want to. We talked for a little bit, and it was kind of urgent since we’re on a deadline. She said if I wanted to be real, I had to deal with the good and the bad. And while what happens to us is bad, it at least doesn’t affect others, or harm us. It’s just very bad thoughts. And she’s trying to fix this with a doctor.

I decided to compromise.

I would come out this morning and for lunch. But not tonight. First it’s a very special night for her and I don’t want to take away from that with her. It also gives me an excuse to stay inside. But also it lets me push back my out time by a day. That means she has to shave her face tonight, and I get a clean one tomorrow. I hate having to give up an hour of my life so she can shower and clean up. This way I get that hour back.

A devious little plan.

In other news, I’m thinking I don’t want to do the job after all. I still have a while to think about it since she doesn’t want me to do the work until aftter she is off people’s radar. Nine weeks, she said. So I have time. After the problem I had I’m not sure I want that kind of stress. I feel bad because that means it’s all on Ragdoll, but it means I don’t have to pretend to be her, I don’t have to worry about getting her in trouble at work, and I will just continue being her housekeeper. I don’t mind it.

She cleaned house a lot. It’s still not perfect, but it’s lots better. Even looks kind of nice.

For once it’s not Ragdoll squirming. It’s me. I’m really uneasy here right now Yesterday was two months since I started coming out, and this is the first time I’ve felt kind of scared to be here. I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating, and I think I’m going to have to give back control to Ragdoll before I’ve finished breakfast because I keep losing my concentration. Maybe the extra time off tonight will help that. I don’t think I’m really better after all. Will I ever be better? Is this what Ragdoll lives with all the time? It’s scary to think about.

I only have five more minutes so I should probably try to finish my coffee and breakfast. I’ll try to be out for lunch, too. Take care, Taylor. I’ve missed you.

–Andrea