Good morning, Taylor.

It’s a wonderful day outside. 🙂

The kids from the school are on a walk right now and it’s making the ragdoll very squirmy. They’re walking away though. Hopefully they’ll stay away for a while.

It’s been a rough couple of days.

I had a nice lovely day all day on Wednesday. I know that we’re starting the new job soon, so I’m trying to make the best of the calm time I have, since these moments won’t be as calm once we start. But I took it too calm.

I made those tomato sandwiches I’d looked up. I was starting to agree with Ragdoll that maybe we didn’t need a toaster, but then I burned my finger trying to flip the toast. I decided I needed a toaster after that. No more pan frying. She can pan fry, I’m happy with a toaster.

I made the tomato sandwiches like the online recipe said and it was a mess. It was way too big, and way too messy. But it was really good. I’m going to make the next batch with less tomato to make it easier and cleaner to eat. But it was really good. I’d leave one for Ragdoll but I know she hates tomatoes.

The dog next door is barking at me. Bad dog. No biscuit.

I did my usual routine. I cleaned up the house a little, I read my book. I didn’t know much else to do, but you came on and we started talking. And talking And I was really loving it. And that’s where I messed up.

Ragdoll always has stuff going on. And she had a big important meeting she was supposed to go to. And I talked right through it. I forgot to check her phone for messages and alerts. And I messed up. I immediately popped her back in and she was angry. Real real angry. I went deep into the Playland and just stayed away while she worked on fixing things.

I was terrified. I know now that Ragdoll didn’t create me. I created myself. But its still feels like I’m a flatmates with god. And I’d really failed her. I was worried because The Oracle had said she could get really ugly when angry. But I peeked in every so often. She was mad alright. So I stayed away. I wasn’t ready for what came next.

I had tucked myself back into my spot by the window. Not really paying attention, but waiting there for anything interesting when she called for me. I got closer to the window, and she said “Get me home safe, angel.” And suddenly I was sitting in the car. It was on, and the phone was showing me directions.

I was going to drive.

I WAS GOING TO DRIVE.

I looked around and realized it was nighttime, we were away from the grocery store, and there was no one around. It took me a little bit to figure out how to put it in drive. And then I started crawling towards the road. Like the real road. I figured out how the pedals worked, but I hit them a little hard at first. But it was so late at night, and so empty that no one was there to notice. I figured it out real quick and was going slowly home. Green means go. Red means stop. Right pedal is forward. Left pedal is stop. And she has really good brakes.

I got home and rushed in to tell you I finally drove. I had to put her back in before her ice cream melted, but I drove a car! I got her home safe!

I’m real. 🙂

I know she had a lot to do Thursday, so I just stayed away again. I was surprised to find myself at a store and a note on Ragdoll’s phone that said “go get your toaster, angel.” I checked my wallet and there was $100 in there again. She gave me money, and took me shopping. She wasn’t angry or punishing. she gave me money and a chance to shop.

She told me later that she gets angry. And gets angry a lot. But that after she and The Oracle stopped being friends she learned to aim her anger. Yeah she was angry about what happened. But she wasn’t angry at me. She was angry at the situation. This whole sharing the body thing is as new to her as it is to me. She’s angry at that, because we both are having to learn how to live with this. Not living with each other, we’ve done that for years. But living here in the real world. Mistakes will happen. We all learn, and sometimes learning is painful. We’ll get through this.

I wanted to be real, and real is sometimes mistakes.

And that lead to another mistake. I went into the store, and it was HUGE. And the toasters they had for sale were $400! I didn’t need that kind of toaster. Ragdoll wanted me to buy something that was quality, and you wanted me to buy something from a small shop. This…was too much. This was, like, for restaurants or hotels.

The next store we went to was the same way, but they were really helpful, suggesting a place in my new town that would have good quality products in small appliance sizes. They were super nice. We’re going into town tomorrow because it’s going to be really nice and we need to start waking up early. Maybe I’ll buy one then.

I was disappointed, but knowing I had cash again and that she wasn’t angry made me feel better.

I’m looking forward to this Saturday going back to my new old-town. We’ll see how tomorrow goes. She has things she wants to do that night, but the day is all mine. Pretty soon we’ll be going to even/odd days where I’m out, but she’s thinking the weekends we’ll go back to day/night. She has a lot to do Saturday Nights, so if my day is on Saturday she can’t do any of it.

We’re learning. We’ll make mistakes. As she likes to keep saying to me “We’ll figure it out.”

–Andrea