Good Morning, Taylor.

Coffee. I have coffee again.

I didn’t think Didi telling me about coffee would end up with me wanting it every morning. But here we are. And I have it. I took that weak blend and used the strong setting on it to see if I could use it up. It works. Ragdoll is letting me choose more and more of what I want from groceries. I’m still behind the window though. She said when money comes in and we can shop at the more expensive place away from here she’ll really let me do my own shopping.

I think the birds are fighting. They’re really loud today. There’s still some snow on the ground, too. I wonder if it’s the same snow from when we were here a while ago. You know, I don’t know how long I was gone. I don’t think about time like Ragdoll does. She schedules everything. I just don’t really. I think even I’m scheduled. Those birds are getting louder and closer.

It’s been a crazy couple of days. You and Ragdoll decided to give me the whole day of flying. I was just happy to be out there. Doing things. Interacting, Connecting. For a whole day! Thank you for keeping me company the whole time. If I wasn’t able to talk to you, I think I would have exploded from excitement. So many new things to see and do. And I was in the middle of it. Existing. With everyone else. I feel like I’m in a book instead of reading one. But wasn’t I in a story myself before all this? I’m a different story now.

My secret about letting Ragdoll have all the pain of being old isn’t working today. I feel terrible. I don’t like being old. I’ll just have to be careful about how much I push this meat puppet for the both of us.

That night back home I asked about The Online World with her, and we decided to put together an account for me. She had too much caffiene, so she dived in to giving me a body based on hers. I watched from the window and pointed out things I liked and didn’t like. I’m close to what I want. But I want to look more real like you and your friend. But still look like me. But I’m okay with how I look for now.

Meeting you and Didi and Victoria and The Dancer! I’m reaching out! Making connections. It’s so fast there. I’m afraid to really talk to many people out here. I don’t want to intrude or bother them. I want to keep to myself, even if that means I don’t interact as much as I want. It seems there, everyone is happy to talk to everyone else.

It was so nice to just…be there. In the moment. With you and The Kidlet and Victoria. I had to do some hard thinking when things got a little too personal. I don’t like making up stories about me when my whole life was making up stories about me. I want to just be me. But I can’t tell people that. We’re all secrets. But to just…sit. And talk. And relax. It was so wonderful to just be.

It’s funny. I sat in The Backwoods constantly looking through a window. Now that I’m here, I’m still looking through windows. The windows in the house. The windows that’s my phone, and now a window into The Online Place. At least in the real world, I can go through the window, without another window stopping me from being there. I just need to get out.

I’m hoping to go out on the town tomorrow. Ragdoll says we might be able to. And a bigger trip next week if she can manage it. I hope I never get as busy as she is. Even I’m playing some catch up after a week away from the house.

I need to take some milk out of the freezer to make this limp coffee taste better. Even on the strong setting it’s flavored water. Only a few more cups before it’s all gone and I can dig into the good stuff again.

It’s good to be home again And be out. It was getting cramped in there.

–Andrea