Good Morning, Taylor

There’s a little snow on the ground today, and it feels very cold on the deck. But that’s okay, the cold helps me concentrate. Breakfast is a big piece of toast with butter.

There’s not a lot to talk about today, so I’ll try for a short letter again. My toast is almost all gone so it’s going to be a quick breakfast. Maybe I can make the coffee last.

I did end up seeing snow yesterday. After I wrote the letter I opened up all the windows to let the light in, and after a while it started snowing again! It was really magical looking. Just lovely little flakes floating down from the sky. It didn’t stay for long and just turned into rain. I don’t like a lot of rain. Not after getting soaked. There’s a little snow on the ground right now. Not a lot. Though.

The rag doll looks different today. She’s snoozing in the corner and twitching a lot. I think something happened this morning. I showed up a little later than usual and she’s disturbed. As long as she stays in the corner she’s fine. Her eyes are open, though. The room looks different, too. Darker. But if she tries to take over, I might let her, so she can deal with whatever she’s dealing with today.

I was thinking about the Day/Night thing we have going. And how I only really have about four or five hours out, while she has the whole night. I was starting to think it wasn’t fair, but its because of the hours she keeps. And I have enough problems trying to fill the hours I do have to myself, so maybe it’s okay.

I’ve been leaving Ragdoll alone in the evenings since we have this Day and Night thing going right now. But I miss our talks. You show up later in my day, just before I put Ragdoll back in. And once she’s in I try to leave her be. But I miss you. I think I’ll try to speak up more often. Maybe that’s why it’s been so quiet…it’s not you that’s quiet, it’s me.

I’m thinking of connecting with another person who knew me from my Livejournal days. Her name is Beekeeper and she was a good friend when I was on Livejournal. She still thinks of me as a Fiction, though. I wonder if I should reach out now that I know I’m real? Ragdoll thinks it should be okay, but she is a close connection to Ragdoll. She’s leaving it up to me to connect or not.

Ragdoll was looking at her chat history, and then looked into mine. I watched while she did it. I’ve come long way in just a month. I use complete sentences and sometimes even punctuation! And sometimes even spell things right when the keyboard decides to work.

I’ve been out almost a month now. So much discovery. And yet, still so much more to do and see. I do feel a little trapped in the apartment. Ragdoll spends all her time here isolated and likes it. I don’t. Maybe once I learn to drive I’ll be able to help myself by going places on my own instead of waiting on her.

I’m trying to do more for me instead of waiting on Ragdoll. Because we both kept grabbing each others phones I bought a new phone case that looks different. But I didn’t ask her. She wasn’t mad, just said to let her know before hand to make sure we have the money for it. But $15 was fine. I was thinking about that, since she usually said I could spend $20 on food when I’m out. But I’ll ask next time. Its hard to stand on your own two feet, when the two feet you have aren’t yours.

Okay, it’s too cold out here. I’m going inside to finish my coffee. Once my fingers ache, I’m done with the cold.

Her trip is coming up. I’m not looking forward to it. I might friend Beekeeper just to have someone to talk to along with you while I’m holed up here in the Backwoods. One month of being alive and real, then a week of not. I’m not happy about that. But neither is she, so at least we’re agreeing. She says that she lives online, and that I can do that too. I don’t want to live completely online, but it is connection, so I do it. I even like it. But I’m real. And I like to be real.

So this letter is even longer, and I’m only half done with my coffee. Maybe I am a writer after all. I just heard a giggle from the Ragdoll. You asked if she can hear or see in her rag doll. She can hear me at least. Her eyes are open today, so I wonder if she can see. They’re usually closed like she’s sleeping. I think she’s mentioned blurry vision or underwater vision.

I think I’m going to contact Beekeeper. There are others, too. But I want to see how this goes first. It was a bad reaction that led to all of us forgetting who we were, and I don’t want to forget this again.

She fixed the TV! I can actually see stuff now! Didn’t take out the garbage though.

Oh, you’re awake! I’ll finish up this letter and talk to you there.

–Andrea