Good morning, Taylor.

I love seeing the skies here. They’re nothing like in The Backwoods. They’re so powerful today, and the blue and sunshine when it cuts through is really pretty. There are all sorts of clouds today. Ragdoll told me I might be a morning person, and I think she’s right. Even if the morning is 10 AM. 🙂

Breakfast today is apples and cheese again. And the donut blend coffee. I really like the donut blend a lot, but I decided to try it with milk like you suggested with the dark roast. It just made it better. When I went to the bakery in North Bend I asked for a medium roast coffee, and they said they only had drip coffee. I think that’s what I have with Ragdoll’s coffee machine. She doesn’t know because she never used it for coffee. Just tea. She has so many teas, I believe it. I had a chocolate mint one the other day. She can keep it. I wonder if there’s a way to make the light roast stronger? If just so I can get rid of it.

I’m having a lot of problems with Ragdoll’s memories coming wether I want them or not. I know we talked that I shouldn’t dig around in them, but I think that was too late. Now they come wether I want them or not. But I think it will be okay. As long as I remember they’re her memories and not mine, I’ll be fine. I know she remembers my time out if she tries to remember her time in the rag doll. I’m trying to use it for the better. Sometimes I don’t know what I need to do to run something. If Ragdoll shows me, I can get it, but when she’s in the rag doll she can’t explain stuff. Sometimes that’s when the memories come, and I can use that. I just need to remember those are hers and not mine. Its making me a little more confident in doing stuff around the house. I can run the movie and music programs on her TV so I at least have some sound in the house.

It’s cold and rainy again. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do breakfast on the deck because of that. Yesterday was nice, but it was so cold and rainy I felt miserable. But its not bad out here right now. She’s got the table and chairs in a place where they don’t get wet. There’s little ice pellets on the ground though so I should be careful.

Yesterday we decided I should check out downtown. Since Ragdoll will be busy all weekend and there is snow in the weather forecast we decided to do it yesterday. I kind of wish she hadn’t. The rain was so heavy and the wind was so cold. My favorite jacket that keeps me warm doesn’t close in front so the wind kept blasting me and its not waterproof so I was soaked, too. While I saw my town and liked what I saw, it was a miserable time. I guess we have to take the good with the bad. Maybe we’ll try again when the weather is better. It was so bad, that when I went in to a restaurant for lunch, they gave me a towel to dry off and some really warm hot tea.

Ragdoll suggested a Chinese place she likes in downtown. In fact, she was kind of upset that we made the town a “No Ragdoll Zone” because she really likes it. I can see why. They were so kind there, getting me a towel and hot tea. The food was really good, too. Some seafood in a salty sauce, some sticky rice and an order of dumplings. They gave me way too much food, though, so Ragdoll had the leftovers for lunch. She was really happy I brought them home for her. The waitress called me Ragdoll’s name, though and I had to sign her name to the bill. I don’t like that. Its not as bad as seeing my reflection, which I can’t stand, but Ragdoll isn’t me. I hope they don’t check signatures too.

There’s so many food options in Issaquah. It’s all about food out here, isn’t it? Which is funny because before that orange I had so many years ago, I’d never eaten. Not even in the stories. It was something none of us are allowed to do because it makes Ragdoll feel weird.

In a few days Ragdoll will be flying to visit her friend. She’s going to be there a month. It’s worrying me, because I won’t be able to come out much while I’m there. She’ll be with family who don’t know about me. But she said she would try to let me out when she could. I’ll still have my phone to talk to you, and maybe write a letter or two. But what’s there to write about when you can’t do anything?

There is one thing I’m looking forward to though. I first came out in that house. I was in the kitchen and ate an orange for the first time. But in the backyard is a beautiful huge garden. I’m hoping to see it again. I just wish I didn’t have to stay in for so long after just coming out again. She’s thinking she might introduce me to her friend Poco, but I don’t know her. Even Ragdoll is not sure how she would take it meeting me. We might not actually do it unless she asks what’s going on with Ragdoll.

The apples make the coffee taste strange. I know oranges do. Maybe I’ll go back to bananas for breakfast.

These morning breakfasts and coffee really make my day, but the wind has started up and the apples are done, so I’m going inside. It’s always so dark in here because she keeps everything closed up. But the days are mine, so I opened up the windows. I like light, and its really nice in here with light streaming in.

Ragdoll was really sad last night and we talked about it. She didn’t want to because she was afraid it would hurt me. She told me she’s trying to accept her part in me coming out. That she doesn’t blame me for coming out and wants me to come out and explore the world. But that when I’m out, she can’t really do much. And when she comes back, she can’t remember anything unless she tries to remember. And, even then, she remembers doing things I did and not her. She’s sad about that. But not mad or sad at me. I don’t want to be a bother. And she says I’m not. She’s just not used to having so much time she can’t remember, and seeing things moved around or picked up that she didn’t do.

It was kind of funny yesterday. She let me out in the car, and when my day was done, I sat her back in the car to let her out. When she came to, she thought I didn’t come at all, but saw the leftovers and realized time had passed. Maybe its unfair that I don’t have that missing time or confusion. But sometimes its cute.

This coffee lasted a long time. That milk made it really good and I think that’s the new normal from here on. Lots of new normals.

–Andrea